YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/WHY HUSBANDS DON’T HAVE ORGASM: THE NUMBER-ONE MALE SEXUAL PROBLEM
You’d think that something I think about so much and do so much would be more fun, be more fulfilling. It seems to have lost its zing. I do it just the same, but something is missing.
HUSBAND
I can say without fear of contradiction from any sex researcher that the number-one male sexual problem is not erective failure orejac-ulatory control, but the failure to enjoy sex, the failure to really enjoy sexual interaction with a woman. My clinical experience teaches that the male genital focus, the phallocentrism of the American husband, has seriously jeopardized and compromised his potential for true sexual happiness. Men are not orgasmic, they are ejaculatory. Climax for too many of them is an end to an activity, the accomplishment of a challenge, the extra point after the touchdown, the completion of a project rather than the beginning or renewal of feelings of closeness, intimacy, and warmth.
“When my husband finishes—shoots his load, as he likes to say—he is really shot. I feel like I should ask him if I can get him anything else. I feel like a waitress instead of a sex partner.”
Her husband responded, “Sure. Remember the time you said ‘wait until the girls hear about this.’ Really made me feel great. I’ll bet I am the feature story for your coffee klatch.”
And so it goes, a perpetual sexual sparring, with both partners getting hurt. Such difficulties might be expected outside of marriage, for seldom do shorter-lasting, more anonymous sexual relationships provide the opportunity for learning, communication, mutual growth, understanding, total life-sharing, and intimacy that is available over time within marriage. Unfortunately, more than half of married people report dissatisfaction with their sexual lives. One reason is that men may be doing it more but enjoying it less.
*116\97\8*
